26.1.15

DAY 563

in {and out} Week 3: White

Many persons want to see life in black and white or even only in black or white. Obviously, is much more convenient trying to understand the world from this point of view because by reducing categories having a clear explanation for every circumstance, event or behavior is much simpler. Unfortunately the thing is not that easy and our experiences not always respond to well defined patterns or motivations.

I used to wish to be that kind of person. I used to like to have answers and put my experiences inside a few little boxes which were correctly labeled. I didn´t want the chaos or the uncertainty, the variety of real life. I didn´t want my days to be unpredictable, diverse, so I was always struggling to keep order using strange –reductive- methods to control what indeed was uncontrollable.

Now I am learning to allow life to happen. I am learning to embrace the grey and all the colors between the black and the white. I have come to understand that trying to reduce life to something easy to drive creates biases that ruin the allure of raw reality: when we are always denying, repressing, categorizing and acting accordingly, we forget to enjoy what is wild and extravagant and absurd and unreasonable, all that is unexpected or accidental, the miracles and all the things that we think shouldn´t be here but exist anyway.

This is helping me also to stop altering my own story, past or attitudes… in the end, when one has only a small number of compartments for storing persons, ideas or memories,   the only thing that can be done with our changeable and inconstant life is to create a new version of it more homogeneous, less complex.

This has not driven me to a life of confusion and disorder (as I previously thought). Paradoxically, as soon I let go my old and strict mindset, my calm has increased. I have learned that all colors and nuances exist regardless of my opinion about them, that all are important and have a reason for existing in a given moment.

In short, life is not monochromatic, but today we honor white.



This entry is part of a project I am developing with my friend Montse Gallardo. We´ll share a photo every week during 2015. Her photos will be always taken outside and my photos will be indoor shots only. We have created a Facebook page: In and Out. 52 weeks where you can see all the photos of the project.  

19.1.15

DAY 562

in {and out} Week 2: Winter

Winter is maybe the hardest season. It is the most austere –so to speak- and forces us to focus on the essence of things. A bare, withered, branch doesn´t caught our attention almost immediately. It is not like a blooming bouquet of flowers or a carpet of red leaves, it hasn´t got their evident allure, it is severe and plain, unadorned, but if we take the time to go beyond appearances and stereotyped ideas about beauty and life (and death), we´ll realize that it is appealing anyway.

Learning to appreciate this kind of bare simplicity has connected me with a more contemplative mood from where I have started to embrace the reality (and the gifts) of life cycles and to accept with humbleness (and even joy) what comes to meet me.

This is helping me to lead a more authentic life which is not oriented only to conquer success or approval but also to self-realization, to the fulfillment of my true potential.

Obviously, acknowledging that life is fleeting, that birth and death happen continuously and this changes it all every single time but doesn´t disrupt the mechanics of this universe is shocking. Coming to the conclusion that the only thing we can do is accepting the loss and its lessons and become ready for the next season is painful. Learning to do it with gratitude, treasuring the sweetest memories and letting go the anger and the bitterness can seem to be improbable… but it is possible. Honoring the process through which detachment occurs by keeping love and compassion in our hearts is indispensable.

Today I know that a new spring will come and with it a new hope will revive. May I never forget what I have learnt along this winter. May the serenity it has brought to my life can endure.




This entry is part of a project I am developing with my friend Montse Gallardo. We´ll share a photo every week during 2015. Her photos will be always taken outside and my photos will be indoor shots only. We have created a Facebook page: In and Out. 52 weeks where you can see all the photos of the project.  

12.1.15

DAY 561

in {and out} Week 1: The start

As a person oriented to achievement I love (and fear) starting new projects. Even if it´s a project aimed at having fun, even if it´s a project shared with a good and loved friend, even if it´s a project that has been expected for a long time… regardless of its importance or transcendence I long for its beginning and I feel frightened of it anyway.

I have come to understand that it happens because I feel every new project (the biggest and the tinniest) as an aptitude test that I had to pass thanks to the perfectionist inside me. And although when this hasn´t prevented me from starting new projects once and again, it has caused me lots of suffering.

However, since I recognized my cognitive biases all this has become much easier. Likewise, my neuron are prone to try old connections and to make me feel overly concerned about ridiculous things but I am learning to ignored them and I am becoming much more benevolent to myself.

I still am an achiever (to be honest, I still am a perfectionist also) but now I don´t let this issues to rule my life despotically. Life is too short to be always in the search for approval or feeling miserable. Life is too short to give up serenity, peace and joy. Life is too short to let the wounds of the past or the expectations about our future define our present. I am too precious to let preconceived ideas and conditionings ruin this day.

So here I am, a bit late, feeling thrilled and a bit unsettled. Here I am the first day of this new project where I will share a photo every week along with my very best friend, Montse Gallardo. Her photos will be always taken outside and my photos will be indoor shots only. We are planning to share them on our respective blogs. we have created also a Facebook page that you can see following this link and where I will be publushing only in Spanish so far.  I am sure we´ll introduce improvements gradually here and there, but something won´t change: Every Sunday we´ll share a photo of our view of 52 themes that have been previously decided.

So here I am. I can´t wait to see how this project will evolve and now that finally, I have opened my heart to this possibility I can´t wait to start the next chapter.

7.1.15

DAY 560

So I am here to celebrate. Reviewing 2014

When 2014 started I decided that it would be a year of celebration. It made sense to me not only because I would be 50 years old at the end of the year, but also because this would be a good way to proclaim my place in this world, to praise my journey and finding new reasons to keep on walking my path.

Along it many things have happened and many times I thought that I should have chosen any other word except celebrate, but as the days went by I started to understand the true nature of a year devoted to celebration.

In fact, when the year started I thought that would be great to make visible my celebration mood. I made plans and set goals. But soon, the year had an unexpected twist and unbelievable things started to occur one after another. Some of them where just unforseen, some hard or truly painful and made my plans and goals simply irrelevant. I had no the time or the willingness to approach them:  the Universe lets me alone with my bare proposal and challenge me to celebrate anyway.

Also it may seem incredible, I was able to do it. Not in the well prepared and intricate mode that I planned, but in a simple, rough-and- ready way. My ego screamed and told me once and again that I was wasting my time. After all, our new year proposals can be (among many other things) a way to claim approval… but I turned a deaf ear to it and kept on doing it. 


And I did it. I did it!. Even in the darkest days I managed to find a pinch of hope, something to be thankful for, a lesson to learn... new perspectives, unexpected gifts, things to improve, things to enjoy... glimpses of the spirit… in short, reasons to celebrate. 

Amidst the chaos of my overloaded working days, I honored the chance to share what I have learnt (personal and professionally) with my students. Even when 
I was often tired and disappointed with university policy and the way the institution makes decisions, I have learnt to celebrate my role of professor and all the good things they can teach me. 

Amidst the complicated circumstances of my personal life (my husband was working outside the country nearly nine months), I honored the chance to cultivate calm and to be much more flexible regarding my expectations. Even when I felt 
overwhelmed and lonely some times and felt that I had many responsibilities, I have learnt to celebrate our love, myself, my strength and my brand new ability to let go drama. 

Amidst the hard health issues my friends were facing, I honored the chance to help and to be there for them. Even when many days I was sad and downhearted, I have learnt to celebrate life, my life, their life, and our powerful relationship.

Amidst the ageing process of my mom, all the changes related to it and all the work I have to do in order to keep her (and my brother) living at home, I honored the chance to give, to make their life easier and practice compassion. Even when I am totally frightened more times than I would like to recognize, I have learnt to celebrate every single second of our life together, and this existence as it is, with beginnings and ends, calms and storms, ups and downs.


It has been a year of complete acceptance. I have been able to say Yes! to what was happening to me in a given moment, to stop judging life even when events and circumstances were not so propitious as I expected, even when they caused me pain. 

Hoever, it has been a silent celebration. It has transformed in sacred all what has happened and has made me experience strong emotional and spiritual feelings for my life… a sort of deep communion with it.



Do you want to know more about my review of the last year? Please, follow this link: 
2014 in photos and words

1.1.15

DAY 559

https://www.flickr.com/photos/healingmoments/15981366329/
Happy 2015

May the New year be filled with joy, achievements and interesting challenges; time to dream, laugh and to appreciate life regardless of events or circumstances.

Wishing you all the best, dear friends

Much Love and Light

Z.

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