3.8.15

DAY 593

in {and out} Week 27: Song

I am not a great fan or a connoisseur of music. To be honest, I would love to be able to enjoy music more often, to know more about its history or techniques or to recognize composers. I really admire those who are able to do all that, and mainly those who have musical talent. But some days, music only irritates me and I have to opt for silence. This continues to happen even after living with my husband who was raised by a musical family and has great aptitude for music, after acknowledging that I have not such a bad ear as I used to think and after trying to learn to appreciate it better.

Paradoxically, I love dancing. And one cannot dance without music. As a result, music is associated in my mind to body motion, not to the fact of listening. It doesn't lead me to be more relaxed or calmed through stillness, but through a sort of inner euphoria that makes me want to smile, move and shout (which is quite odd as I am an introvert).

There are many pieces that produce this effect on me. Popular songs, classical pieces, country ballads, folk music, themes from old music comedies, Spanish boleros, blues, Latin-American salsa... you name it.

However, I have not many favorite songs, it depends on the moment and on my mood and quite often, I come across them accidentally, but while listening some of them, I have realized that there are always a common thread that link those which I prefer: time. Some way or another, they all talk about it.

There are words that make a good lyric and time (along with love) must be among them, but I have seen a deeper nexus: time heals, and music can do it also. Time is not visible, but music makes it audible. Music can connect us with circumstances and memories and with the pass of time, while time reveals the greatness of music. And -as far as I am concerned- music has the power to stop time, to make me feel timeless... ageless.

To make me accept (at least, just for a moment) that time is on my side.

This entry is part of a project I am developing with my friend Montse Gallardo. We'll share a photo every week during 2015. Her photos will be always taken outside and my photos will be indoor shots only. We have created a Facebook page: In and Out. 52 weeks where you can see all the photos of the project. 

26.7.15

DAY 592

in {and out} Week 26: Animals

We live in the era of great speeches and declarations, of great (and not so great) causes. Most of them deal with ideas and terms that fall within the sphere of the morality and try to set some rules of conduct. As a result, they delimit the correctness of certain behaviors. What can be done, what shouldn't be done.

Social media and mass media often work as loudspeakers of these speeches, so they gain adepts. They work also as a coercive power that forces us to stay faithful to their statements. But it seems to me that this creates double standards: what we say and what we do.

Don't get me wrong, I truly believe that many of those speeches are needed, that the requirements for a better world should be promoted, but the way this is done, makes a difference.

I see clear dissimilarities between educate by giving tools that allow us to analyze reality, be aware of our impact and change the way we act and indoctrinate which means to force a person to accept a point of view uncritically. When we do this last thing, we generate the double standards that I mentioned above. The person knows the doctrine, but doesn't know how to act accordingly or to assess consequences.

University seems to be the perfect ground for all this and teaching there have made me realize how dangerous this can be. These contradictions don't help to achieve what we are looking for, in fact, they provoke the opposing effect.

Change is not easy but is urgent. It demands coherence and determination. All the mystic masters say that it only will happen if we do little things with much consciousness. And I believe this to be true. I think we need the trends toward renewals on this society, but we also need personal commitment.

I try to teach this to my students: To get involved; To be intensely present. Not to follow the stream. And often, (t
hat's why I am talking about this on this post) I give them the following examples:

 Are you in favor to protect the elderly?. Go and visit your grandparents or your great-grandparents. Go there and stay with them a whole day. Listen their stories; help them to go through an ordinary day. Stay with them while they eat or have a nap. Laugh with them. Be aware of their state of mind. See what they need. Forget all theories and practice empathy. Allow yourself to be there. Be mindful.

Are you in favor of the rights of animals? Love one single animal first. Love him (or her) so deeply that you feel that the boundaries between animals and humans become blurred. Look at his (or her) eyes and feel that you are one with that creature. Feel your hearts beating, slowly. Allow yourself to be there. Be mindful.

Once this is done, once you learn to merge your philosophy and your practice, you're ready to take the next step, whatever it be


I tell them so, not only because as far as I am concerned, actions speak louder than words. But because they have to be infused with emotions and knowledge, they have to be approached from sentience and awareness.



This entry is part of a project I am developing with my friend Montse Gallardo. We'll share a photo every week during 2015. Her photos will be always taken outside and my photos will be indoor shots only. We have created a Facebook page: In and Out. 52 weeks where you can see all the photos of the project. 


25.7.15

DAY 591

sigh of relief

Grief is still here,
and sadness and the sense of emptiness.

And the lack of certainties,
and the 
incredulity
and the 
sorrow

And the astonishment,
and the tears.

And even so,
I still can find joy and beauty in the little things.

I am tempted to feel guilty,
I do feel odd.

And even so,
I cherish this ability of mine
because I know it is my anchor
and my lifesaver.

It helps me to keep a sense of fulfillment,
a sense of belonging,
a sense of amazement.

And maybe someday,
not today
nor tomorrow... someday,
this pain will be less sharp,
the wound less deep,
and the living experience, smoother. 


Meanwhile,
I appreciate the allure of this world
when it catches me by surprise.

Meanwhile,
I treasure these tiny moments of unexpected joy,
of unexpected beauty.

Because I know that without them,
I would be lost.



19.7.15

DAY 590

in {and out} Week 25: Summer

Well, summer is here, so writing a post about it shouldn't be difficult. But summer is a hot season and lately this seems to drain all my creativity.

All I can do is thinking about when the weather will change. But amidst these negative thoughts (to be honest, the heat weave we are going through doesn't help) I see tiny glimpses of positivity, mainly related to how much I used to love summer.

As a girl, this was my favorite season and the time by the sea is (always will be) among my happiest memories. And also, the careless and relaxed days, the beach, the long afternoons that we were reading and chatting, the dip along with my mother when the sun was almost setting, the evening ice creams  and walks, the starry nights, the murmur of the waves, the moments of peace before going to bed... talking quietly in the terrace.

Thinking of all this makes me smile and makes me think how lucky I was regarding this issue. I lived in an isle, so those who didn't own a house by the sea could enjoy it anyway by going to spend the day there, but my mother decided that she would rent an apartment close to one of the best beaches of the isle in order to make it easier and it was simply fantastic. Sea was truly therapeutic to me along those years (still is), it always managed to heal all the things that could be painful: the disagreements or disappointments, the doubts about myself...  I only had to see its blue vastness and I felt relieved, liberated... and so happy.

I long for having a summer holidays like those I lived again. But I guess that they depended not only on opportunities or circumstances... they were also a state of mind.

And even so, how I would love to live one of those old days all over again at least one more time!.

Just one more time.
 


This entry is part of a project I am developing with my friend Montse Gallardo. We'll share a photo every week during 2015. Her photos will be always taken outside and my photos will be indoor shots only. We have created a Facebook page: In and Out. 52 weeks where you can see all the photos of the project. 

11.7.15

DAY 589

in {and out} Week 24: New

Seeing that someone else is doing what my mother used to do so well in the past triggered contradictory sentiments in me. Those sentiments appear in particular, when I see how the things she used to use have to be replaced because they are too old or are not functional anymore: the table mats, the towels, the bedspreads, the lines where she hung the clean washing to dry, the clothespins.

When I am back home and I find those new things instead of the old ones my heart aches. It happens every single time. I long for the old objects (even the simplest ones), I long for  the old pace and the old routines. I long for the person my mother used to be... even when I adore the person who is right now.

After almost three years, I still feel new to this situation,  I still feel new to my role because I haven't come to this place and position (according to which I am responsible for taking care of my mother and for supervising her caregivers) till recently. After almost three years 
I still feel new to those feelings, to this new way of living which indeed it is not.

I know this is not bad, that thanks to all this she (and my brother) are having such a peaceful and joyful time. I know that it is only a new stage which is different from the former one but not worse, that it has its own beauty.

I know it... but my heart (which is new at it) experiences a dull pain every time I have to tackle a new change. My silly, silly heart cringed when saw a lonely wooden clothespin almost forgotten among the plastic ones.

And even so, I opted for capturing the bright, blue intruder because it is the sign of the new order of things. And I honor it.

I honor it.



This entry is part of a project I am developing with my friend Montse Gallardo. We'll share a photo every week during 2015. Her photos will be always taken outside and my photos will be indoor shots only. We have created a Facebook page: In and Out. 52 weeks where you can see all the photos of the project. 

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