25.3.15

DAY 572

there is neither a start nor an end

"All Beings Are Flowers Blooming In A Blooming Universe"

Soen Nakagawa

18.3.15

DAY 571

in {and out} Week 10: Reflection

A morning as any other morning,
moment immersed in everydayness

A simple surface,
six or seven pieces of crystal,
two seashells,
a cherished mirror,
light

That´s all

But they can make an ordinary day extraordinary,
no less

Suddenly the morning has allure
and the moment is priceless

I get lost in the reflections, in the glow

I get lost in the unsteady twinkles
and in the hidden images repeated here and there

I get lost in a glimmer of hope,
in a sudden moment of joy

I feel dazzled for a second
and then I can see clearly

I see the beauty, the peace,
the delicate lines and the sinuous curves

My heart radiates love
and I know that I am here and everywhere

I go where light leads me



This entry is part of a project I am developing with my friend Montse Gallardo. We´ll share a photo every week during 2015. Her photos will be always taken outside and my photos will be indoor shots only. We have created a Facebook page: In and Out. 52 weeks where you can see all the photos of the project. 

13.3.15

DAY 570

in {and out} Week 9: In the morning

Oh, how I would like to getting up at the crack of dawn and do all the things that so many persons do as a way to start their day energetically and with order!. But I am not that kind of morning person. I have never been and I am not sure that I´ll be some day. As a result, my mornings are not made of an ongoing sequence of well planed routines aimed at making me more efficient.

I admire very much those early-birds that have time to follow them before carrying out their daily tasks or duties and seem to be so extremely invigorated. I don´t believe I´ll be able to be so organized some day, I guess that my biological cycles and inner processes don´t help me very much during those hours.

So my mornings tend to be a bit lazy, a bit languid in the best meaning of these words. I am not a sleepy head but I need my mornings to be unhurried. I need my mornings to be quiet and slow. I need my mornings to be a transition between the peace of my house and the hectic pace of the outer world, a rhythmic period of silence between the noises of my professional life. I need my mornings to be gentle...  and I try strenuously to keep them that way. In fact, I postpone all my responsibilities as much as I can in order to enjoy mornings on my own

Since I always have had a mindset oriented to achievement and productivity my mornings has been a sort of guilty secret pleasure but little by little I have come to understand that they are a sacred territory where I explore my inner world, my creativity, the development of my daily practice;  a precious place where I take care of my soul by cultivating awareness and empowering serenity… a priceless moment where I stay with myself and alone in this life of me without fear or rush.

Now I praise my chaotic and wondering mornings where I make pauses and waste time and experience the grace of doing nothing or at least, nothing (from the viewpoint of the rest of the world) very important or big or transcendent just only mere trifles that -to tell you the truth- I find awe-inspiring. 



This entry is part of a project I am developing with my friend Montse Gallardo. We´ll share a photo every week during 2015. Her photos will be always taken outside and my photos will be indoor shots only. We have created a Facebook page: In and Out. 52 weeks where you can see all the photos of the project. 

4.3.15

DAY 569

in {and out} Week 8: Small

Right now, I cannot imagine anything better than being me. When I found out the germ of this idea going round in my head I felt very confused. I had been considering myself a work in progress for so long that I couldn´t understand why suddenly I was flirting with that kind of thoughts.

I was not sure at all about what could it mean, so I contemplated many possible explanations: ego, fear, resistance, negation… you name it, all of them aimed at keeping my perception of who I was: someone who should be improved, but, to tell you the truth, no one worked. Every time I explored one of them, a voice whispered “no, no, no” inside me.

This way, that odd conception started to turn into a conviction that I couldn´t ignore. I tried hard to keep myself from noticing it but it prevailed, and I had to accept the fact that I was starting to feel at ease with the person I was. As soon I permitted this sentiment to grow stronger I realized that I was getting rid of my inner emphasis on “self-improvement” that was simply exhausting. And also, that maybe that´s how a real self-esteem should look like.

I still have fears and doubts and room for enhancement and even the need to fight against the same old things and flaws in my character. I still am prone to perfectionism and to anger. I still feel that there are many things in this planet to grieve about. And more times than I would like to admit, I can´t find an ounce of compassion in my heart. But I have come to understand that all this and all the good that I find in me, belong to the same reality.

I don´t ought to be a never-ending battlefield in order to be able to appreciate myself. And this doesn´t make me more arrogant, conceited or vain, only more self-confident in a very particular way.

I know I am a single, small individual amidst the magnitude of world´s problems, global challenges, my own yearnings and the mysteries of the universe.

I know I am just a single, small piece of the complex puzzle of this moment in human history.

I know I am just a single, small soul looking for her path, trying to know how to live a life on purpose while dealing with the vast meaning of this existence.

I know I am just a single, small ship adrift in the huge flood of time...

And even so, I know I am enough.

Even so, I know I count and act accordingly.


I know I count and act accordingly



This entry is part of a project I am developing with my friend Montse Gallardo. We´ll share a photo every week during 2015. Her photos will be always taken outside and my photos will be indoor shots only. We have created a Facebook page: In and Out. 52 weeks where you can see all the photos of the project. 

23.2.15

DAY 568

in {and out} Week 7: Carnival

After doing tons of inner work and trying this and that. After going through many tools and techniques created in order to improve the healing process and giving them all a try. After coming across new wounds that I didn´t even know and understood new layers and layers of my own story. After restoring a sense of self and letting go many old habits and creating new ones... In short, after feeling –once and again- that I was almost “there”, I used to have the sense that I still had something to do, something to mend, something that needed to be purified, a new aspect of my existence that I wanted to make clean. And I started again.

But a day came and I felt that I didn´t want to analyze once more time what was incorrect or misplaced, what could be better, what should be enhanced. That day came and I felt that the only thing I wanted to do was blessing, embracing, celebrating my life as it was, that the only thing I could do was validating myself as I was. And suddenly I realized that I didn´t want to be anyone else, I was not willing to live my life as if it were a perpetual carnival.

It was a shocking, miraculous, day when I woke up and felt that what I had, what I had achieved, the person who I had become, the life that I had constructed from ashes should be enough. Please, don´t get me wrong, I was not closing the door to new levels of understanding or learning, I was just stopping my endless chase for something that made me valuable, I was just reckoning my efforts as fully adequate, I was just validating my path and rejecting the fact that I had to keep trying to fit in a preconceived idea about spiritual elightenment or pretending it.

That day I decided to go back to the basis, regardless of my need to explore new ideas and to figure out the puzzle of consciousness. That day I abandoned an old mask that was related to perfectionism and competitiveness, to the importance that I gave to exactness and to demonstrate that I was right. I started to bow down to my reality and to stay true to the essential practice that had always supported my process: meditation, attention and presence, emotional awareness, connection and appreciation of guidance, acceptance and gratitude.

The fall of this concrete mask, has made me more oriented to simplicity, more humble and also more generous, open and authentic. I have discovered that just focusing on staying here in this right present moment is more than sufficient, that I don´t need to prove who I was, who I will be or who I want to be, either.  


I only had to be by ceasing my fight.


This entry is part of a project I am developing with my friend Montse Gallardo. We´ll share a photo every week during 2015. Her photos will be always taken outside and my photos will be indoor shots only. We have created a Facebook page: In and Out. 52 weeks where you can see all the photos of the project. 

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