23.2.15

DAY 568

in {and out} Week 7: Carnival

After doing tons of inner work and trying this and that. After going through many tools and techniques created in order to improve the healing process and giving them all a try. After coming across new wounds that I didn´t even know and understood new layers and layers of my own story. After restoring a sense of self and letting go many old habits and creating new ones... In short, after feeling –once and again- that I was almost “there”, I used to have the sense that I still had something to do, something to mend, something that needed to be purified, a new aspect of my existence that I wanted to make clean. And I started again.

But a day came and I felt that I didn´t want to analyze once more time what was incorrect or misplaced, what could be better, what should be enhanced. That day came and I felt that the only thing I wanted to do was blessing, embracing, celebrating my life as it was, that the only thing I could do was validating myself as I was. And suddenly I realized that I didn´t want to be anyone else, I was not willing to live my life as if it were a perpetual carnival.

It was a shocking, miraculous, day when I woke up and felt that what I had, what I had achieved, the person who I had become, the life that I had constructed from ashes should be enough. Please, don´t get me wrong, I was not closing the door to new levels of understanding or learning, I was just stopping my endless chase for something that made me valuable, I was just reckoning my efforts as fully adequate, I was just validating my path and rejecting the fact that I had to keep trying to fit in a preconceived idea about spiritual elightenment or pretending it.

That day I decided to go back to the basis, regardless of my need to explore new ideas and to figure out the puzzle of consciousness. That day I abandoned an old mask that was related to perfectionism and competitiveness, to the importance that I gave to exactness and to demonstrate that I was right. I started to bow down to my reality and to stay true to the essential practice that had always supported my process: meditation, attention and presence, emotional awareness, connection and appreciation of guidance, acceptance and gratitude.

The fall of this concrete mask, has made me more oriented to simplicity, more humble and also more generous, open and authentic. I have discovered that just focusing on staying here in this right present moment is more than sufficient, that I don´t need to prove who I was, who I will be or who I want to be, either.  


I only had to be by ceasing my fight.


This entry is part of a project I am developing with my friend Montse Gallardo. We´ll share a photo every week during 2015. Her photos will be always taken outside and my photos will be indoor shots only. We have created a Facebook page: In and Out. 52 weeks where you can see all the photos of the project. 

17.2.15

DAY 567

in {and out} Week 6: Love

After a week listening to messages about love I have little to say. Many random facts about love come to my mind once and again but I don´t find them especially illuminating. In fact, most of them are pretty obvious and some a bit confusing or even paradoxical.

Love seems to be the ultimate human aspiration and as result, the ultimate market strategy, and this has created a whole tangle made of preconceived ideas and misconceptions that condition us both mentally and emotionally. We live according a social constructed idea of love that seems contradictory because cannot embrace what love really is.

Trying to live that lineal, pure, perfect (or simply false) version of love is just a deception that is not compatible with our human nature. Love is intrinsically linked to our own story and process and happens in tune with them and the only thing we can do is observing and experiencing it and learning what it has to teach us. Indeed, love is great master.

If we do that, we will see that love is all the things that philosophers, scientists, tradition, publicists and poets have told us… and much more, maybe because it is the most complex human sentiment.

 Love is fierce and bold and radiant and passionate. It is also tolerant and patient and generous and free. It is inevitable but can be cultivated. It´s infectious but cannot be forced. It´s endless but can be killed.  
It´s a mess but can be lived consciously. It is boundless but needs bonds. It is unconditional but occurs conditionally.

Love is deeply compassionate. 
It has to be consistently respectful and kind. It helps us to transcend ego but (if we don´t pay attention) can make us selfish or just a simply puppet.  It is healing force, in particular when we direct its light towards ourselves It´s pure chemistry, brain waves, energy and also a spiritual force.

The list goes on and on and on… love is all and nothing, it is real, but also a mystery and a miracle. It is impossible to define and difficult to interpret, it resists being confined in a simple phrase, being reduced to a single moment but this shouldn´t concern us very much,  because when the good, old, true love come to our lives we always recognize it.



This entry is part of a project I am developing with my friend Montse Gallardo. We´ll share a photo every week during 2015. Her photos will be always taken outside and my photos will be indoor shots only. We have created a Facebook page: In and Out. 52 weeks where you can see all the photos of the project.  


14.2.15

DAY 566

about love

“When we are in relationship as our own radiant emptiness, the relationship is beautiful because we are being what we are. Essentially we are in love with a mystery. Mystery is in love with itself. When this mystery is in relationship with an other, whether the so-called other is the flower, the bird, the wind, the coldness, or a human being, it relates to these as an expression of the same mystery. This is true sacred relationship, when we see that we are really in relationship with the manifestation of the mystery.”

Adyashanti

13.2.15

DAY 565

in {and out} Week 5: Art

As far as I am concerned, all things produced by a person who cultivates imagination and explores self-expression in a determined way are art. Maybe I think that because I truly believe that creativity is a gift that we all share and can enrich our life once we start to accept this to be true.

Indeed, the appreciation of beauty that is an essential part of this artistic or creative nature is not something related only to those who are proficient in one field or category of art, but to many human beings that have decided to live creatively.

Of course, there are difference between a talented artists who know techniques or tools typical of a given discipline and persons who only transform little things in their daily life, but those difference are about the magnitude of the creation, its impact or relevance, not about the core of the action or its deep sense.

Since I was a very little girl, I was clear about those facts. I saw (I still do it) art and artists everywhere, even deep inside me. I was fascinated by great masters, but also by the inspiring responses to the challenges of everyday life. I remember being lost in the allure of some classic paintings, in the illustrations of my books, in words (either in the way they were formed and in how they sounded) , in the subtle spiral of a seashell or in the delicacy of tiny stitches equally. I remember also, going through my days paying attention to imaginative images, ideas or sayings, to any dose of skillfulness or inventiveness, trying to emulate them because it made me feel alive, fulfilled.

My fears about future, mediocrity and about my own talent prevented me to start an artistic career (something I dreamt of), but never led me to despise my vision or my own creativity. I only (!) kept it as a secret for a long time.

However, as soon I started to know myself better and to be true to myself , they emerged like a storm long time repressed. And while I went deeply into that determination, I realized that creativity was here to stay.

So from some time now, I am empowering my creative self, my ability to see and create beauty publicly and I am seen how the artist who lives inside me is blooming through the art of living consciously . It´s quite rewarding but what I find even more captivating is the very unique connection between this inner journey and creativity that goes in both direction. In short, the more creative I am, the more awaken and mindful I feel (and vice versa).

I know I´ve been lucky because I always had the capacity for feeling that way and I have been able to preserve it throughout all my life. And for this today, I am grateful. Because I am now who I always wanted to be and maybe, even much more than I would have ever imagined.



This entry is part of a project I am developing with my friend Montse Gallardo. We´ll share a photo every week during 2015. Her photos will be always taken outside and my photos will be indoor shots only. We have created a Facebook page: In and Out. 52 weeks where you can see all the photos of the project.  

5.2.15

DAY 564

in {and out} Week 4: Winter selfie

The world outside is always calling us and it seems that we have never enough of it. There is always new events that are about to happen, new places to go, new trends to follow, new people that are worth meeting…

Our curious brain -which is often overly stimulated thanks to market strategies- feels inevitably attracted to it. Our ego that wants always to be in charge finds there the best place to make an impact and stands out. Even our sweet heart, always adventurous, always in the search of love, throws itself into it, yearning for a kindred spirit.

Only the soul remains impassible, reserved… aloof. Only the soul can observe without running after what it offers. Only the soul can analyze and stay balanced. Only the soul cannot be controlled by arrogance, need of approval, resistance and fears. Only the soul knows how to bow down, how to embrace and stay detached, how to live passionately while being serene, quiet.

When we start a process aimed at connecting with our true self, we channel our efforts through what is outside, not from the soul. It may sound paradoxical, but we can only do it this way because we need guidance and feel encouraged by others experiences. However, we must be cautious. As soon we start that journey the ego feels that its power is being questioned and begins a sort of boycott. It can be very evident, but it can also be subtle and the brain and the heart will be involved. Emotions and reasoning will compete or collaborate, sometimes in order to discredit all the process and sometimes to distort its nature making it something that is related to success. As a result, in a given moment, we become avaricious and we lose connection.

Either if we feel disappointed or maybe mesmerized by our own abilities, we are lost in the ego dirty tricks. This can make all our work a bit tedious or irrelevant or frivolous or in short, useless. However, if we don’t give up, finally we´ll realize that there is a tiny part of us that keeps the calm amidst our ups and downs. A tiny part of us that is patient and precise and not easily manipulable and wants to live that experience of being with ourselves in a real way.

I´ve been trying to empower that tiny part of me which doesn´t see all this like an external entertainment and I have learnt that it demands to live in seclusion. It demands silences and pauses and slowness.

This is not the pace of the external world, no matter what its slogans say, that’s why I frequently need to shelter in home… alone with my soul.



This entry is part of a project I am developing with my friend Montse Gallardo. We´ll share a photo every week during 2015. Her photos will be always taken outside and my photos will be indoor shots only. We have created a Facebook page: In and Out. 52 weeks where you can see all the photos of the project.  


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