DAY 522

it has gone
   One day one wakes up and feels that something has changed.

It is just an ordinary day:

the same house, the same walls, the same cracked sheets of glass in the windows; 
the same shaky doors,
the same old self still expectant...

But something in the quality of light, in the peace of the air, in a defiant gaze or a daring gesture shows that something has been moved.

Something has been closed,
something has been finished,
something has been overcome:

a moment, a season or cycle;
a story, a phase or a mission,
a mistaken belief,
an antique mindset;
an age that was brief
or has lasted too much.

Old patterns has been stored, 
the soul has been restored to its place,
all the grief has come to its end,
all tears has been shed already.

It´s time to conclude.

No more regrets,
no more mourning.

The wounds have been honored,
the healing is on the way.

It´s time to let go the past.

End of the story.

PS: These photos were taken at an art installation. The artist (José Herrera) used an old uninhabited house and told a story about light, silence and solitude. He created something quite interesting and somehow perturbing. I visited it on Wednesday with two good girl friends and while I was going over the photos, I suddenly came up with the previous text...


DAY 521

What can I celebrate when it seems there is nothing to celebrate?

I have been wondering that along the last month. As you may know I started this year with the intention of honoring my life by celebrating it (and vice versa, I guess). I didn´t set any goal or purpose regarding this intention, because I didn´t want to deal with disappointed expectations. So when after a few posts -some really bad news about a good friend´s health and the increase of my work duties- I realized that I wasn´t feeling like celebrating, I let it be.

I focused on keeping my serenity along this troubled times by reinforcing my inner work, my meditation practice, my creative discipline and I started to pay attention to my diet and my sleeping habits. I felt that I had to concentrate on those things if I wanted to go through this stressful period of my life. Those things have helped me to cope with my hectic schedule, university policies, my frustration because I have had to assume extra work and my emotional response to the whole situation.

To my surprise, I´ve managed to keep the positive thinking and a peaceful mood; I am enjoying my classes even when I have to teach so many hours and different subjects and I don´t feel as mentally exhausted or overwhelmed as I thought I would be. Indeed, a few days ago I went to visit an institution where some of my students are developing their practices and some of the workers said to me that stress suits me nicely. Of course, it´s not the stress, it´s all the things I am doing to keep it under control.

Maybe, I should have had more faith in myself from the very beginning, but I was not that sure that I would be able to deal with all this so well. Even when I know what I have to do (from an inner viewpoint) when things become tough, I am also prone to fall back into the same old habits and forget to stay present and act accordingly.

But this time I have achieved some (great) success. I am quite tired (who wouldn´t?) but today resting at home and looking back, I can see that some tiny changes have made a big difference.

 I felt that was okay if the big issues in my life didn´t let me see the little joys, if I didn´t  want to count my blessing because I felt that 
I wanted to be sad or angry or hopeless, if I changed my mind regarding things that were important to me months ago and I was putting first those that I should have mastered ages ago. 

I felt that even when I was not doing what I had planned, I had to accept  it instead of feeling ashamed. And by doing it, I have discovered new fragments of inner wisdom, the kind of inner wisdom that comes to us slowly.  Paradoxically, this behavior has made me find also new (and maybe more complex and authentic) reasons to rejoice in unlikely places. 

Today I celebrate simply that.


DAY 520

about readings and flowers
When I was much younger I read about the nature of time. Maybe this is one of the most universal concerns of human beings, so I know I am not the only one.

I read that ancient Egyptians thought they would live eternally as long as they were remembered while ancient Greeks made a difference between chronological and eternal time, the propitious time to approach challenges:chronos and kairos.

I read: there is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens (Yes! Ecclesiastes), about how eternal life would be in various paradises and about the eternal return according to which the whole universe -including us- had been recurring and will continue to recur an infinite number of times.

I read that most schools of Buddhism believe that the way we experience time -as moving from past to present and future- is just an illusion. I tried also to understand time from the perspective of physics with not much success, I must say.

And I even remember reading why different cultures have different graphical representations of time: we -the occidental persons- are prone to think that past is behind us and the future in front of us, but many other persons live looking at their past -tradition, legacy of ancient generations etc.- and feel that the future is chasing them and not always for good.

But knowing those arguments didn´t make me feel at ease with this issue. Intellectually, I could understand what all this meant but I couldn´t stop thinking of the injustice of this existence.

The idea of death and time passing and loss tormented me and made me feel gripped by dread. As most of human beings when thinking doesn´t work, I struggled against this searching for new goals and challenges, rushing ahead with things but fear was always chasing me.

While I was trying to escape from my anguish, years came and went. A half of my life has passed by my side and I have come to understand that the only reason to be here is simply being here being me.

I am not here to conquer any other thing (or person) except myself

I am not here to win anything except the privilege of being myself

I am not here to demonstrate nothing to anyone except to myself

I am not here to please anyone except myself

I am not here to be true to any idea (or person) except to myself

I am not here to learn nothing except how to be myself and love others while they try to be themselves

There are not a reason why I should be here, nor a justification or an explanation except being here, do every single day what I have to do in order to explore the vast territory of myself and contribute to this world being who I really am. There not a purpose except being present in this unique life and find new ways to show up my authentic self. And that is the only thing I (we all) must do.

From this point of view all I have read makes sense. The nature of this life –with its sorrows and joys- makes sense: the now becomes eternity.

We are all inevitably involved in this amazing matter called life because we all are flowers blooming in a blooming universe, as Soen Nakagawa so poetically stated… either if we know it, or not (but feels better when we are aware of it).

Cross-posted at Vision and Verb on Wednesday. Many other women share their passion for creativity and words there, please visit us, it is a wonderful site 

There you will find also a Card Shoppe. For every greeting card sold, the profit will accrue in allotments of $25 each to be given as loans to men and women around the world who are starting their own businesses. We have chosen the non-profit organization KIVA as the conduit for our giving back 

You can send a love note to a friend and make a difference in the world


DAY 519

I think I am in love

Going outside with my camera in hand is part of my practice which is not only about photography or creativity, but about my inner work. It´s not a daily activity, my inner work is rather eclectic, so I alternate this and that (including indoors photography), but I try to do it on regular basis. Even so, there are always bad days, when I feel like doing nothing, or I am not inclined to be sociable, or the weather is terrible or I have no much time. When this happens I end up going to the park next to my house, as a result, most of my outdoors photos are taken there.

I have been going there for nearly three years, so I have become familiar with it. I know how it is conceived and when a tree is about to blooming. I know the changes I can expect every season and notice the gardeners´ effort. I feel sad when I see that something is not working well or some areas neglected... and angry when I feel that some persons don´t respect it. Somehow I have learnt to breathe with it and with the creatures that live there and we have struck up a sort of friendship.

There are areas there which I can stop visiting: the rose garden or the herbs garden. Even when they seem to be devastated from time to time, I always find something beautiful to capture. And there are areas that I often forget that exist as the flower clock or the little pond in the middle of the park.

However, along the last two months, every time I go to the park, I feel driven to visit that pond. It´s not a beautiful pond and it is not too big. It´s not too organized, either and the aquatic plants seem to be growing there by chance. The water is not limpid at all, indeed, it´s a bit muddy... but it´s appealing anyway, so there I go.

I stop next to its edge and observe the light and the reflections, smell the aroma that is damp and a bit fermented, hear the frog´s croak and click once and again.

Visitors come and go after a quick look but I stay there, going over its perimeter slowly. I take time to appreciate the shades of light; the green palette o how the water seems to be bottomless in some place or glossy as a mirror in others. And I take pleasure in the almost imperceptible adrift of the leaves.

After this time going there regularly, at least twice a week, I still am not clear about the reason why I am doing that, but I have started to consider going there along a whole year and document this process. If I would have to put forward a hypothesis, I would 
say  this lake in its smallness could be a metaphor of something bigger that I want to apprehend: the cosmos, life, my mind?... I am not sure and I don´t even mind very much right now. 

Right now I only want to keep enjoying this and the feeling that I am starting something...

So, of course, this had to be my Photo-Heart Connection of March

PS: you can read the first post of what I think will be a bigger project here 


DAY 518

"There is surely nothing other than the single purpose of the present moment. (...). If one fully understands the present moment, there will be nothing else to do, and nothing else to pursue. Live being true to the single purpose of the present moment.

Tsunetomo Yamamoto

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